I watched this video today about how The Atonement can Clean, Reclaim and Sanctify Our Lives. I don't think I'm digging up past things that I've done wrong as much as my subconscious is digging up or holding onto things that have happened to me in the past that have hurt. They hurt "real bad." But it's been a long time, and I need them not to hurt me anymore. I have pretty severe anxiety. I'm working through that with kind and loving people who I know God has guided me to.
I know God has helped and healed me many times from the very things that still scare and hurt me now. I know that I need to let them stay in the past, and I need to enjoy my life as it is now, and not be afraid that the past will repeat itself or that something even worse could happen. It's debilitating. As I talked out my deepest fears with my wonderful counselor this week, she taught me that these thoughts, these deepest fears that are haunting me are really physically and emotionally and mentally hurting myself as if these terrible things were actually happening to me because my brain doesn't know the difference! That was a revelation. And I think....I know she's right. It hurts me like it's actually happening. Our imaginations are very powerful, and I want to channel that very creative imagination of mine into things that feel great, not tragic or disastrous. So, I'm breaking-free! I'm starting right now! Will this be an instantaneous transformation? No. I know that, and I won't be disappointed if it takes a long time, or if I have to do it again and again. Life is about learning. It's about the journey. Want to come with me? Let's leave the past in the past, and break-free, live in the present. Enjoy the present, and while looking toward a bright future, focusing on the here and now.
---I went to the pool to start my membership today. I'll still have a once a week PT appt. with my orthopedic therapist, but I can go to the pool on my own whenever I like now. It felt really good to push my limits in a good way. I did a 50 min. workout in the pool. I was able to do 10 min. straight water jogging this time I want to increase my time by at least a minute each time I go. I'm very thankful to be at this point, and that I'm learning in so many ways.